


page 38, take two

by niiiiix



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, SO, So yes, Spoilers, at the beginning it looks p similar to the scene, but i promise that the further you go the cooler it gets, theres a cool little time moment thanks to my friends headcanon, this is a johndave rewrite of that scene from the meat route of the epilogues, ult dirk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27324910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niiiiix/pseuds/niiiiix
Summary: John instead of Karkat in page thirty-eight of the meat route epilogue. With some bonus material.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	page 38, take two

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact, they spelled curiosity as "curiusity" in the epilogue. go look for yourself. this is the second typo ive found, the first being in the dirk and dave rooftop scene towards the end- they spelled responsibility as "resposibility"

But before we get completely out of dodge, there’s one more trifling matter I’d better take care of.  
It’s a big day, but not one my dear brotherson and his irascible boywife seem to be relishing. Dave and John are both squatting in their shameful bunker of defeat, all the curtains drawn shut so that the sunlight cannot disturb an atmosphere that was carefully cultivated to facilitate their sourpuss moping.  
The only illumination is emanating from their television screen, which broadcasts the bright and sunny scene of Jane’s inauguration. She stands at a podium in front of a crowd of thousands of her adoring fans and subjects, belting out one killer speech. I wrote it, so you know it’s good.  
But the mood in here is heavy. I think they’ve been coasting on denial for a while, but today is the day they have to finally accept that there are no take-backs, no do-overs: Jane is the president, and that’s that.  
John’s all balled up on the couch as he stares ruefully at the televised production. He doesn’t look up when Dave walks back into the room, carrying two massive bottles of liquor.   
DAVE: hey    
DAVE: want to get drunk   
Huh.   
JOHN: what?   
DAVE: i went and got all this fucking booze   
JOHN: you just … went out and bought alcohol?   
DAVE: yeah check it   
JOHN: like, you really just went up to the juice station and gave your money to the cashier?   
DAVE: yeah i walked into the boozery all pigeon toed and embarrassed   
DAVE: like some fuckin hooch noob   
DAVE: was all like yo whats the most pathetic thing you got to drink yourself to death with  
JOHN: the boozery???  
DAVE: passed right by the box wine  
DAVE: the bagged wine  
DAVE: the shots they put in those little blister packs by the register  
DAVE: the wine in the little sippy cups with the disposable plastic straws like juice for fucking babies  
DAVE: i made that last one up i dont actually know anything about alcohol  
DAVE: anyway two plastic soda bottles of vodka cooler seems to be about where were at right now  
DAVE: i think thats what this is anyway  
DAVE: i dont really care long as it gets the job done  
DAVE: i decided that im an alcoholic now  
I’ve always found inebriation to be distasteful, really. Never understood the personal appeal of it, and after seeing how indelicately its effects have touched the other members of our family, I can’t help but feel like it’s a waste of everybody’s fucking time. I’d have half a mind to tell him to dump it all in the sink, if I weren’t cutting it down to the wire as it is.  
But you know what? Go the fuck ahead, bro. Might help him ease those ridiculous inhibitions for once in his life. Slide the stick out of his ass. Maybe slide something else up there instead, if you catch my drift. But I don’t want to get ahead of myself here. At this stage, anything could happen.  
Dave sits beside John on the couch, and sets the alcohol down on the table in front of him. He sinks heavily into the cushioning with a sigh.  
JOHN: that doesn’t sound very fun at our age.  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: its never too late to develop a substance abuse problem  
DAVE: ive been thinking about it for a while and it seems like its time for me to finally get on the wagon of not being on the wagon  
JOHN: nice?   
DAVE: thanks  
DAVE: anyway hows the inauguration  
DAVE: you having a good time dwelling on every tiny little factor that cumulatively led to our electoral defeat  
DAVE: and how if just one thing had been different it would have been us up there  
JOHN: *sigh*  
JOHN: we both know the only deciding factor was how jake delivered his speech!  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: i mean, like  
DAVE: i just keep imagining what wouldve happened if that absurd rube goldberg machine of life ruining humiliation had been stopped at any point  
DAVE: maybe just being backstabbed by his endorsement alone was something we couldve recovered from with some rigorous counter campaigning  
DAVE: but what if i had been fast enough to cut him off before hed even said anything  
DAVE: what if i hadnt accidentally fallen on him on the stage when i was rushing over there to stop him  
DAVE: what if he hadnt freaked out like i set off fireworks next to a nam vet and started trying to fucking scrum me  
DAVE: what if id just backed away from his punch with my legs like a normal person instead of warping the flow of time to escape causing him to become so startled he shit his pants  
DAVE: what if i hadnt gotten so visibly grossed out by the smell that even the people watching it on tv could tell what had happened  
DAVE: what if he hadnt started sobbing when the audience in the front rows started throwing up  
DAVE: what if wed had better security and stopped that lady from running onstage during the fracas and announcing that jake has been dodging paying child support for their 3 kids  
DAVE: like what was the LINE  
JOHN: it wasn’t that bad, dave!  
DAVE: you think  
John looks away and frowns painfully, like there was an annoyed smile behind it.  
DAVE: yeah see thats why im an alcoholic now  
DAVE: want a drink  
I have sympathy, I really do. It’s tough to devote so much time and effort to something, come so close to tasting victory, just to have it snatched out of your grasp at the final instant. I might even feel bad about it in any other circumstance.  
But this was how things had to be. It’s better this way. They know that. At least, John certainly does.  
JOHN: can i tell you something?  
JOHN: i never really wanted to win in the first place!  
DAVE: dude come on  
JOHN: seriously!  
JOHN: i’m not trying to do the whole sore loser get down or any thing! it doesn’t matter that much to me.  
JOHN: well, ok, i care a bit because now every thing is going to be ruled by jane, who went a bit... bonkers. i don’t think that she’s going to be very helpful to the trolls.   
JOHN: but she at least wants to do it. i don’t, at all.  
JOHN: so thank goodness i wasn’t put in that power. i would have stolen the declaration of independence, or something.  
DAVE: was that a fucking nic cage reference  
JOHN: i’m having a hard time, bro. let me have this.  
DAVE: i dont think he was even in power in that movie  
DAVE: wasnt he like an archeologist named benjamin franklin or something  
DAVE: i watched them a while ago  
God damn if that isn’t the most romantic fucking thing I’ve ever heard.  
If John had anything resembling a spine, he’d turn to Dave with those big, sparkling shoujo eyes and finally open his tsundere heart to consummating their painfully obvious and mutually reciprocated passion. But he doesn’t, so he gives a noncommittal little sniff and turns back to the inauguration instead.  
Obviously, I’ve got an agenda here. It’s pretty clear to me what these guys want out of this relationship, despite the fact that both of them being bottoms evidently makes it impossible for them to pass whatever last ludicrous psychological obstacle stands between them and nonstop, animalistic fucking. I’ve let it go on like this for long enough. These stooges clearly need some help.  
I could insist that they just fucking go for it already, using the methods available to me. I’d rather not. There are certain boundaries I’m not inclined to cross, primarily in service to the emotional integrity of my friends’ respective personal arcs. The little moments like these don’t mean anything if they’re coming from me, do they?  
As such, insistence isn’t the tool I’d prefer. Persuasion is the one I reach for. And in a case like this, I can’t imagine it’s going to take that much.  
They fall into another silence that’s more comfortable than it has any right to be. The crowd is really going nuts for Jane now, since she’s hit one of the best parts of my speech. She’s just blasting the fuck off about how good the economy’s going to get. I can feel Dave’s teeth grinding all the way down to the narrative fabric of reality.  
Dave reaches out for the booze. It’s past time to get wasted, he thinks.  
But John is starting to realize how much all of Dave’s efforts mean to him. It’s really welling up inside him now. He’s so emotional about it that he can’t help but say something.  
JOHN: wait.  
Dave stops with his arm outstretched. His gaze turns to meet John’s, but John can’t bear to hold the eye contact for long. Looking at Dave is like staring straight at the sun. He is awfully handsome, isn’t he? Then again, crawling out of a primo gene pool does have its benefits.  
DAVE: yeah buddy whats up  
JOHN: well i...  
DAVE: hey dont worry about it  
DAVE: you dont have to explain yourself to me  
DAVE: i get it  
DAVE: it makes sense. id always felt the same way kind of  
DAVE: like about all my shit with sburb and whatever. the reluctant heros journey  
DAVE: that feeling where youre being dragged along to being a kind of guy everyone is saying you have to be but youve never felt like theres any way you can really BECOME  
DAVE: where every second you feel so sick with your own self doubt and fear that you cant bear to even imagine the future  
DAVE: and you think  
DAVE: why me  
DAVE: even though you know it cant be anyone but you  
DAVE: and thats why you do it  
JOHN: ...yeah, actually.  
DAVE: lol  
JOHN: hang on, that isn’t what i was going to say!  
JOHN: i was going to thank you.  
DAVE: huh  
DAVE: for what  
John’s eyes drift from the TV to the floor. The slightest of smiles tugs at the corners of his mouth. He feels something warm inside of his chest. It feels right. It’s something he needs to say.  
JOHN: all of it!  
JOHN: we didn’t win, but i’m okay with this outcome because we did it together.  
DAVE: me too  
JOHN: the most important part was that you believed in me.  
JOHN: nobody’s ever... directly done that.  
JOHN: they just trusted me to get everything done right, like i’m some sort of leader mcleaderpants  
JOHN: and dad always just put blind faith in the fact that one day i’d become a man.  
JOHN: so every one had this trust in me that just ended up feeling like tons of pressure  
JOHN: and you were the first one to take it off, and it felt...  
DAVE: felt like what  
JOHN: i mean, it isn’t like i’ve never had people who i feel easier around or any thing.  
JOHN: but sometimes people will tell me that it’s fine, and i don’t have to do everything perfect,  
JOHN: and it feels fake  
JOHN: and like if i don’t hold up exactly right, i’ll be failing their expectations, and they’ll be disappointed. it doesn’t matter how nice they are about it, i always feel like i let every one down.  
JOHN: and i don’t ever get why they would bother to try and tell me it was ok if they didn’t really feel like that,  
JOHN: but with you  
John draws a breath and curls up on himself. His instinct is to pull back, but he’s fighting it now. He needs to see this one through to the end.  
JOHN: but you’re believable  
JOHN: even if you put your mr coolkid act on top of it  
JOHN: i can tell that underneath, it doesn’t hurt you if i can’t fix everything all the time.  
JOHN: since i’ve known you for so long, i know that you’re usually pretty straight with me when it’s important!  
JOHN: we’re on the same level.  
JOHN: you can see past all this leader-y bullshit and still see me.  
JOHN: and you still like that me, even though it isn’t the one that every one relies on.  
JOHN: so when it gets too hard to imagine i’m not hurting everyone i love by not doing enough, i remember that you don’t care about that stuff.  
JOHN: so maybe every one else doesn’t.  
JOHN: at least as much as i feel.  
DAVE: so what youre saying is you remember me who trusts you  
Dave. Please.  
JOHN: i guess so!  
JOHN: jeez, man, that’s kinda deep!  
DAVE: i know  
JOHN: and that’s what i hadn’t felt before.  
JOHN: so i’m glad that you’re  
JOHN: er  
JOHN: that we’re  
Come on. You’re so close.  
JOHN: pals!  
Oh, for the love of god.  
This is practically slapstick at this point. “pals”????? That was the most excruciatingly overblown and socially maladapted love confession I’ve ever had the displeasure of witnessing, including my own, and he still managed to fumble it into obscurity at the last moment. The guy was barreling in for an unimpeded touchdown and took a hard left straight into the friend zone.  
It’s not like Dave is stupid. He’s picking up on the subtext. It’s just John’s cop-out that’s filling him with doubt. It was a little too obviously sentimental. So obvious that maybe the “friend” thing was a deliberate warning. Maybe relationships aren’t a thing John can really “do.” Maybe if Dave crosses the line he’ll ruin everything. Better this excruciating liminal space, something more than friendship but not quite love, than nothing at all.  
I look Dave right in his mind’s eye and tell him to cut it the fuck out. He wants it, you want it, so just go for it, my man. It’s now or never.  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: same  
I feel every brain cell in my immortal body begin to perish in real time. Dave, you cannot actually be that bad at this. How the hell are you walking around with my genes and still acting like this?  
DAVE: so…  
Look. Surprisingly enough, your ego will be able to take the huge fucking hit to it that would be getting topped by John Egbert. It’ll be easy, dude. He’ll pull out for you like some kind of hardly of age teenage boy who found a glory hole in the local Walmart bathroom. He’ll even do it on the couch if you want.   
Dave scrunches up his face a little like he’s constipated. Okay, maybe I’m getting a bit worked up. I need to dial it back.  
JOHN: is everything ok?  
DAVE: huh  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: sorry i just had an absolutely insane train of thought that kind of sent me for a loop  
JOHN: huh?  
DAVE: no its extremely better that i dont tell you  
DAVE: i kind of forgot what we were talking about because it was so awful  
JOHN: oh.  
You were talking about John’s feelings? He just dropped some touching-ass bomb about believing in you believing in him or whatever. You should really get to the root of where this is all coming from.  
DAVE: oh right  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: all that shit you said about us being friends and on the same level or whatever  
DAVE: yeah i feel the same way basically  
DAVE: or like  
DAVE: well  
JOHN: what?  
DAVE: im not sure that i like...  
DAVE: hm.  
Go on.  
DAVE: im kind of getting the feeling that... maybe...  
DAVE: theres a level to what were thinking that isnt entirely coming across in words  
DAVE: and since we dont have the right words we arent getting to the right actions either  
JOHN: what do you mean?  
DAVE: like maybe we feel the same way about certain things  
DAVE: but what were saying and what were feeling  
DAVE: maybe those arent exactly the same thing  
DAVE: and maybe... we should...  
JOHN: we should what? :B  
DAVE: maybe its time to  
DAVE: talk  
DAVE: about... that  
Well, I guess this is progress?  
JOHN: “that”???  
DAVE: yeah, like  
DAVE: how... when you say were pals  
DAVE: what... does that mean  
JOHN: that we’re pals?  
DAVE: yeah but  
DAVE: is that it?  
DAVE: just pals  
John looks like a deer caught in the headlights, his magnified eyes coming almost close to the predicted anime-levels of shine.  
JOHN: well, no!  
JOHN: you’re my...  
JOHN: b......  
JOHN: ......est pal!  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: i see  
I’ve literally been decapitated and that was less unbearable than this. I don’t understand it. I just want you to be happy, man. Why can’t you make anything easy for yourself?  
DAVE: well  
DAVE: ok then  
Whatever. I kind of don’t have time for this shit. The gloves are coming off. The anime ninja training weights are history. It’s time to get down to business.  
You look into John’s eyes. You see that twinkle? That’s devotion, you unbelievably dense neutron star of a dumbshit. It’s sparkling like a visit from your fairy fuckin’ godmother. That shit is pure and true. A supernova of all your hopes and dreams swirling together like a radially effervescing kaleidoscope of more hot boy peckers than you could ever imagine.  
JOHN: d... dave?  
But you aren’t imagining any peckers other than the one right in front of you. John’s probably quite modest and feminine penis is the only one you’ve thought about in years. Suddenly, you can’t even comprehend how it is you’ve gone so long without kissing him. You want to so badly. It would be so easy, and you know he wouldn’t turn you away.  
DAVE: john  
DAVE: i  
You lift a trembling hand and slowly close the scant distance between you to brush your thumb against John’s cheek. He freezes in place, terrified.  
DAVE: i think i  
John’s lips part, his breath held. His eyes are wide with anticipation. He looks beautiful like this, you think. All you have to do is press your mouth to his, and he’ll finally know he’s yours.  
You start to lean in. John closes his eyes and relaxes into your hand. He’s ready. It’s happening. It’s FUCKING happening!!!  
DAVE: wait  
DAVE: fuck  
What? What are you doing? Oh my god. I’m throwing my hands up in the air in the middle of the other shit I’m doing because this sucks just that much.  
JOHN: what’s wrong?  
JOHN: did i do someth—  
DAVE: no  
DAVE: i just cant  
DAVE: shit  
DAVE: it just feels like  
It feels like nothing, Dave. Don’t worry about it.  
DAVE: what the fuck is going on  
DAVE: this feels really off  
JOHN: ????  
DAVE: idk  
DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never think  
Oh, come the fuck on.  
I’m going to have an aneurysm. He’s hearing me but not listening to me. This dude has such a titanium grasp on his own born-again virginity that not even the literal hand of God can compel him to kiss his own goddamn boyfriend.  
JOHN: you’re confusing me, man, what does that even mean?  
DAVE: i have no idea  
DAVE: im sorry  
Dave pulls away. John looks like he’s about to throw up. I’m about to throw up, if I’m being perfectly honest.  
I don’t know what to do at this point. He doesn’t know it’s me, but he’s fighting my influence with every ounce of strength he’s got. If I push any further, things could get messy, epistemologically speaking. I could try more of a backdoor approach and nudge them towards the sauce, but I don’t know if even that would help at this stage. And my timetable for direct physical intervention is fairly limited.  
I take a deep breath and get myself under control. My light psychological intrusions may have only made things worse. Invested as I am in the outcome of this encounter, I know forcing their hand would be a mistake.  
If Dave passes that threshold not of his own will, it’d be a hollow victory anyway. There’s nothing I can do but settle down, step it back, and trust my boy to bring it home.  
The gears are turning in Dave’s head. He knows he stands at a precipice, and what he decides here could mean everything. Maybe that forced kiss seemed wrong, but he knows what he feels doesn’t. He can’t deny that. And he can’t just forget the fact that when he went for it, John wasn’t pulling away.  
At the end of the day, he knows what the truth is. Really, he always has.  
So what are you going to do about it, Dave? This time, it’s really up to you.  
Dave meets John’s eyes in a rare moment of clarity. It’s then, I think, that they both finally realize what’s been obvious to everyone else all along. With a measured motion, Dave pulls his shades off of his face.  
If John was stunned before, he’s even more stunned now. The privilege of a Strider Eye Moment is about the most earth-shattering experience a young man will ever have in his life. For once, neither of them have anything stupid to say. All they have is an electric connection that is no longer possible to ignore.  
Dave brings his hand back up to John’s cheek in a gesture much more confident than the last. He’s not rushing anything this time. He’s only doing what feels right, taking it each second at a time.  
John’s tension begins to dissipate from his body in stages. His stiff shoulders drop. His worried expression relaxes. And when he covers Dave’s hand with his own, he’s not shaking at all.  
John helps Dave slip his hand from the side of his face around to cup the nape of his neck. It’s a tender, steadying touch. Dave applies only the slightest of pressure to draw him forward, and John follows his lead.  
They’re so close that Dave can feel John’s shallow breath ghosting over his skin. John’s eyes are shimmering and wet as they flutter closed, moisture beading in his thick eyelashes. His tongue darts out to wet his lips. All that’s left is just one more step. Just one final inch, and it’s over.  
They both move to close the distance at the same time.  
There’s a second where both of them freeze like that, still in the intimate contact. Nothing but the warmth of each other’s bodies and the dawning realization of a significant boundary crossed.   
fuck this. i dont know whats going on and i dont know why my thoughts have been bolder in that past ten minutes than anything ive ever even written for the past several years, so.   
i forgot for a moment that i was the god of time. kind of stupid, really, considering that it’s basically the only thing ive physically accomplished since the age of like, nine. i guess i have a shit resume. but so much has happened in the last few seconds, and i need just one fucking moment to process. is that so much for the knight of time to ask for? just a little more?  
because here i am, with john fucking egberts head in my hands, his face right up in mine all ready for some sloppy makeouts or something.  
but i cant even say that im ready, honestly. i never thought id have to be. i always thought hed stay the pretty boy on the other side of the screen. and then we entered the game, and he was the strong boy on the other planet, and he turned into the admirable teen that saved my ass. and now hes the grown man who trusts me so completely he put his head in my hands. he wants me to kiss him.  
so why is it so fucking difficult?  
weve technically been dating since the end of the game, right? weve skirted around this part of it so much that i guess i started to see it as him retreating. backing away from me. because this isnt what he really wanted. maybe because it was wrong. or something. who knows how his dad really even raised him. all i remember is him complaining about cakes.  
its not like i didnt listen when he did, or force him to listen to me talking about bro or anything. i was a fucked up kid, but i wasnt a masochist/sadist shithead. it was the opposite because i was so bought into bros bullshit. i thought, “yeah, this pretty much seems like how a kid should be raised” and then turned around and got my ass kicked or recorded for his sick fucking site or something. and i did it so willingly, too. i was so desperate for his approval, his attention, id paint a goddamn target on my chest and get him to fire at it.   
so whenever he gave me anything, anything at all, id refuse to let it pass by. id cling to the tiny bit of approval he gave me tighter than a koala with those stupid economic trees. and since more than half of it was his bullshit, bigoted propaganda, i believed it, because i made those things synonymous with love, or his fucked up version of it.   
so when he told me repeatedly that being gay was wrong, he had to be right.  
but im mostly over that now. i picked it piece for piece apart on the meteor, and eventually it clicked. i was in love with john. i still am. so i dont know whats so difficult to do.  
looking at his face makes me feel guilty. what would he do if he had this time? would he use it to leave? would he sit here and feel dumb as shit for not manning up enough to just press his lips against mine? exactly like how im doing?  
maybe its creepy, somehow, but i cant lie. he looks fucking gorgeous. the tv lighting is shit, really, but it brightens his cheekbone and his lips and the curve of his nose in a soft, glowy red light. and im not so sure i can unfreeze.  
i cant fuck things up with john. i mean, im not happy with how its going right now, but its better than trying to kiss him and ruining everything. im worried hes just in shock. maybe he actually did want to win, and hes making shit up because hes sad and doesnt know how to cope. theres no way he genuinely-  
i sigh, hardly moving an inch.  
im so fucking sick of genuinely thinking that.  
i unfreeze and let the angering, mysterious boldness move my hands and my head.

Dave draws in a sharp breath, lets his lips part and... just... a little more. That’s it. Yes! Wait. Dave, don’t linger. Some lines of stress appear on his face. He struggled with something. No. Dave, don’t fucking do this. He’s grinding his teeth, and putting both hands up to his temples. Beads of sweat dot his brow. This is so fucking unreal. Holy shit, Dave, if you so much as—   
DAVE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST LET ME DO THIS MYSELF!!!   
JOHN: !!!   
DAVE: dude   
DAVE: come here...   
He... oh my god. He.  
He fucking just... wow. Dave lunges forward and kisses John directly on the mouth. It’s like a dam has burst. Neither of them could hold anything back now even if they wanted to. It’s like...  
God damn. I’m sorry. I’m blowing the description here, and missing a lot of good shit. It just caught me so off guard. Dave, my dude. I’m so proud of you. Okay, I can do this. I fucking NEED to do this justice. *Cracks the mother fucking knuckles of a yaoi poet and gets down to business.*  
...  
...  
Eh...  
You know what? Nah.  
I’m not going to intercede with a single word further, and I won’t let you, either. I won’t cheapen this beautiful moment with my base editorialization just to satisfy your voyeuristic curiousity. Frankly, I’m offended you’d even expect me to. What they’re getting up to here is nobody’s business but theirs.  
JohnDave is canon, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter. Let’s give these crazy lovebirds some privacy and move on. 


End file.
